


Don't you let me go

by shinystar66



Series: Forget my soul I'm coming back to yours [7]
Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Angst with a Happy Ending, Friends to Lovers, Heavy Angst, M/M, Major Character Injury, Mutual Pining, Non-Linear Narrative, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-20
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2019-06-30 03:38:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15743469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinystar66/pseuds/shinystar66
Summary: "You should talk to Even. For all I know he likes you too-""Taking to Even is all I ever do and if he does, he doesn't show it." Isak groaned..In this universe, Isak and Even are roomates and nothing more. Except that there is something more between them and they both know that but are too stubborn to admit it. Too bad it takes a very unfortunate event for them to face the truth.





	1. The Roomates Contract

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote an au of my own story. Like who does that? Me apparently. If you read 'Forget me not' you know what I am talking about. While I was writing that one and got to the part with Isak thinking they were roomates, I thought omg what if they were indeed just roomates?! I made some changes, there is no memory loss in this one, but the angst is still here.
> 
> This is my first time writing an au, I only wrote canon and post-canon until now, so let's see how I can handle this.

Even woke up to the sound of insistent knocking on his door. He groaned as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes and then yelled, voice hoarse: "Come in!"

"Even. Hi! I made some more coffee for you, it's on the counter." Isak looked at his watch, muttering a swear under his breath. "I have to go or I'll be late. Bye!"

Isak turned around to leave but he stopped in his tracks when Even spoke up, still under the duvet and not bothering to open his eyes:

"Maybe you will find a hot doctor to hook up with now that you'll work as an intern at hospital" Even mentally slapped himself for saying that _Why am I such a dick oh my god_

Isak looked at him and there were so many emotions reflecting in his eyes that Even didn't know what to make of them all.

"I doubt that."

"Isak wait..."

"Forget it. We'll talk later." He said after slamming the door behind him.

_Fuck_

**______________________________________________________________________________________________________**

_After breaking up with Sonja, Even needed a new place to stay. At the moment, moving in with your girlfriend of 5 years seemed like a rational decision. Too bad that he ignored the cracks in their relationship that had been showing for so long. They had many fights, many breaks but Even was a forgiving person by nature, maybe too forgiving._

__

__

_There was something like a weird compromise between them. Sonja was controlling and annoyed the hell out of him when she was monitoring him and acting like a babysitter, but the truth was that Even had done his fair amount of shitty things and he pretended not to care about Sonja's behaviour. He cheated on her twice. Once with Mikael and it counts even though it was in a moment of pure mania because he did have feelings for him, and once with a guy at the party that he can't even remember because he was drunk and high out of his mind after a bad fight with Sonja. And there's also the fact that she put up with all his moods and took care of him like nobody else during his episodes._

__

__

_So yes, they had an arrangement, they had to stick with each other because it was all they had ever known, their relationship was a safety net they were both too scared to leave._

__

__

_But after a year of living together, neither of them could stand it anymore and Even knew that if they continued they would grow to resent each other completely and he didn't want that, because Sonja had been his first love and a huge part of his life. They did have strong feelings for each other once, but they simply fell out of love and the most alarming part was that Even didn't know when that happened. So they broke up and both agreed that it's for the best to separate as soon as possible so that they can still be on amicable terms._

__

__

_He left their apartment like the gentleman he is and decided to look for a new place. But he couldn't live on his own becuase it was too expensive, no matter how many tips he got at KB and he didn't want to milk his parents of all their money. Thanks to Elias, he found out about a friend of Sana's who was just starting uni and moving out of a shared apartment._

__

__

_After a few months he decided that living with Isak had been the best decison he had ever made. He was kind of falling for him but decided to brush his feelings off because he was still not completely over Sonja and Isak had also just got out of a relationship in a not very friendly way. He caught his ex cheating on him the day after they talked about moving in together. Even couldn't understand why somebody would hurt the angel that Isak was that way._

**______________________________________________________________________________________________________**

After Isak left, Even got up and got dressed to go to uni.They had been living together for more than a year now. He was in his third year of film school as he wanted to fulfill his all-time dream of becoming a director. He coudn't pay attention to any of the classes that usually stirred his interest because his mind was wandering to some completely different places. He took notes though while bouncing his feet uncontrollably and looking at the clock anxiously. 

As soon as he was done with the never-ending classes, he took his two hour shift at KB where he couldn't focus either and almost spilled coffee on the customers more than once. His shift was almost over when his phone pinged with a message and his heart pounded in anticipation thinking it was Isak. He groaned when he saw it was just Mikael who invited him over to smoke a joint. 

Even sighed in frustration, but decided that he could use a smoke to get his mind off things.

• 

"I just don't get it. You like him, he likes you. Why won't allow yourself to have this?" Mikael said as he blew a ring of smoke into the air.

They were sitting side on the floor and Even was silently counting the dots on the curtains. _21, 22, 23-_

"Even! Are you even listening to me?!" Mikael growled.

Even sighed "Yes I heard you. And it's not that easy."

"Why?"

"Because I am a fuck up. That's why. Sonja hardly put up with me and she grew to hate me. I don't want Isak to go through that. He's way too good for me."

"You know what? You are not a fuck up, you are stupid. And not only are you stupid, but you are also a big coward."

"Mik-"

"Don't Mik me now. Listen to me! Just because you had a bad relationship and an even worse experience with me, it doesn't mean that it is always going to be like that. And people don't have to 'put up with you'. You are nice to be with. If you were an asshole I wouldn't be your friend, trust me. But now that I think about it, you kind of are an asshole, because you took a decision for Isak without even asking him how he feels."

"I didn't-"

"Yes, you did. Didn't it use to bother you when Sonja did that? When she dimissed your feelings? When she did things without asking you first? You won't even give him a chance when he made it so clear that he wants to be with you."

"I-"

"You deserve happiness Ev. No matter how hard it is for you to get it through your thick head. You are a great, you are compassionate, selfless, generous, so smart, and a nice person in general. Anybody would be lucky to date you."

Even was dumfounded by Mikael's speech and looking at him with his mouth gaping.

"I don't know how else to make you see."

"Make me see what?" Even mumbled after a few minutes when he collected himself, as he took another smoke and closed his eyes feeling the effect the weed had on him already.

"That Isak cares about you. And that he would do anything for you."

"I know that."

**______________________________________________________________________________________________________**

_It was only a month after he moved in together with Isak when he had an episode. Now if he thinks about it, it happened because he took the drinking and smoking game a little too far and forgot to take his meds more than once, but alose because of all the changes in his life: the break up with Sonja, changing apartments and the stress from uni wasn't really helping either. When he felt himself slipping, he immediately went back to his parents' because even if Isak knew about his bipolar, it didn't mean that he had to deal with it.  But after two weeks of not returning home, Isak was at his door._

_"Hey roomie" Isak said sitting next to him on the mattress, Even was facing the wall and not looking at him._

_No answer_

_"The house is kind of empty without you. I think it misses you."_

_The ghost of a smile appeared on Even's face._

_"Or it was me that missed you."_

_At that Even turned around to face him._

_"Oh, you don't believe that? I have been kind of starving without your food, you know? I thought that in our roomates contract it was clearly stated that you had to do me favours, such as cooking in order to live with me."_

_"There's a contract?" Even raised his eyebrows._

_"Ja. Of course. Your mom hired me to be your roomate. Why do you think I agreed to live with you?"_

_"Oh really?"_

_"Ja. I get 500kr per week. Also written in the contract."_

_Even laughed: "I should look over that contract then...Wait, you said 'favours'. What else am I supposed to do?"_

_Isak thought for a few minutes and his cheeks turned a shade of pink._

_"Umm how about you should do the dishes when it is your turn to do them?"_

_"It was only once that I forgot!" Even exclaimed._

_"What about that time you didn't do the laundry and it smelled like rotten mold for a week in the entire apartment? I had to ask Eskild to borrow me lavender spray."_

_"It wasn't that bad!"_

_"It was, you just couldn't smell it because of that weed nose of yours."_

_Even laughed again._

_"I like seeing you smile" Isak commented and Even's heart fluttered._

_"For real now" Isak continued. "Why did you leave in the first place, I knew about your bipolar, no need to hide it from me."_

_Even's face fell again._

_"I just didn't want you to see me like this...or to feel like you have to look after me."_

_"But I want to look after you because I care about you." His face was red again. "I mean, the contract says...no fuck it. Ev, there's nothing wrong in you needing somebody to help you sometimes, it doesn't mean that you are weak or anything. People need people. And...I would like to be that person for you since we live together and we are...friends...we are friends right?" Isak was rambling._

_Oh how I wish we weren't just friends. "Of course we are." Even reassured him._

_"So will you come home with me then?" Isak's eyes were full of hope._

_"Okay."_

**______________________________________________________________________________________________________**

Even smiled at the memory. His joint was finished now and Mikael was done with his second one. He seemed to be in a completely different universe.

"I don't know what I am going to do with you."

It was dark already and Even opened the window, letting the cool air of the night hit his face as he took a deep breath.

"By the way, you two have both been moping around since that party at your place last week. What happened?" Mikael asked and Even was wondering how he could still form coherent sentences considering how high he was.

"We...we kissed. And I pretended that I didn't remember it."

"Oh shit."

"Yeah."

**______________________________________________________________________________________________________**

_It was Magnus' birthday and they let him have a party at their place because it was much bigger than his and because they are good friends. Even quickly grew close to all of Isak's friends after he met them. The apartment was packed and there were so many people there that they didn't even know that Even wondered how they let things go so far. The music was blasting way too loud for his liking, he couldn't see anything through the thick smoke and it smelled like weed, alcohol and...sex. Everybody was hooking up all around him and Even could only pray that nobody would fuck on his bed._

_"Even" Isak's voice snapped him from the very unwelcome images of finding his bed in complete disarray and covered in somebody else's...liquids._

_"Somebody took a piss on our bathroom floor."_

_"Disgusting." Even groaned. "We are ending this party right now."_

_"I agree. But first, go clean the bathroom because else that smell is going to hunt us for months."_

_"Why me?" Even squealed._

_"Because it is your fault. You told Magnus we could host his party."_

_"There is no way I am touching somebody else's piss." Even complained._

_"You don't have to touch it. Just use a mop."_

_"A what?" Even asked._

_"Oh my god. I can't believe I have to teach you how to do cleaning. I will come with you jesus christ." Isak said as he grabbed him by the arm to lead the way and Even could feel his pulse quicken at the touch._

_As they entered the bathroom and closed the door, of course that Isak slipped. Even only hoped that it was water and not piss they were standing on as he caught Isak from falling and face-planting on the hard tiles. With Isak still in his arms and them staring at each other intensely, they kissed. And it was the most ridiculous place and way in which two people could have their first kiss, but it happened._

_Even could blame it on the fact that his brain was clogged with alcohol or that he had been watching couples making out for the whole night with envy, but in reality it happened because they had both been pining for a long time. They smashed their mouths together, pressing their lips harder and harder on each other's, as if they were in the middle of some kind of war._

 _Even cupped Isak's face with both his hands and tilted his head to deepen the kiss and he could feel Isak melt under his touch as he let out a small moan that only made Even's heart beat faster than it already did. And it felt so good and familiar, as if they had done this before. They were caught in their own bubble until somebody opened the door, startling them and making them pull apart, still panting._

_They didn't speak about the incident for the rest of the night. They just both made sure everybody left their apartment and then Even passed out on his bed._

_The next morning when they were both sitting at the kitchen table and avoiding each other's eyes, Even said:_

_"Fuck. I don't remeber anything that happened last night, I was so drunk. I hope I didn't do anything stupid, did I?" He hadn't been drunk, he only had one beer, two at most and Isak most likely knew that. He also remembered everything in vivid detail. Why are you like this oh my god_

_Isak only looked at him with wide eyes and mouth gaping._

_"You didn't...do anything stupid." Isak said as he swallowed hard, got up and then went to his room, closing the door behind him._

**______________________________________________________________________________________________________**

Even's memory was interrupted, again, by the sound of knocking on the door.

"Oh." Mikael said. "I invited Yousef and the boys. Wanna stay more?"

"No. I should go home. Isak must have arrived already and I have to apologise for being a dick this morning." Even said as he got up to leave.

"Even? Do me a favour and cut the bullshit.Tell Isak how you feel."

"I will." Even nodded as he took the tram and went back to his place. 

Surprisingly, Isak wasn't home and it was pretty late. He usually texted him if he was spending the night at Jonas', but then again, he seemed mad at him and maybe that is why he didn't tell him anything. Even wanted to take a shower and go to bed to wallow in self-pity when his phone rang.

 _"Hello. Is this Even Bech Næsheim?”_ Even’s heart hammered in his chest.

_"I’m calling you because Isak Valtersen has you listed as an emergency contact. He is in critical condition as he was..."_

Even dropped the phone.

_No no no this can't be happening_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next there will be Isak's pov and after that it will mostly be Even's because Isak will be...absent for a while. Except for flashbacks, of course. Let me know what you think and if I should continue this.
> 
> I think this is going to be a longer story and most of it takes place in the past. I don't want to write it all in italics so I think I will start writing dates for you all to understand when things are happening.


	2. The House Rules List

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Isak dear why do I keep hurting you in my stories?  
> Song to listen to while reading this chapter: Stitches - Shawn Mendes

To say that Isak's love life is a complete disaster would be an understandment. 

First, there was his crush on Jonas, his straight best friend. What a cliché. He ruined not only one, but two relationships by trying to break him and Eva up and he still feels bad about that, even after all these years and after both Eva and Jonas forgave him. He is not even counting the tons of hook-ups he had with girls that felt like nothing or the so-called 'relationship' he had with Sara because he was too deep in the closet.

Then, after he finally decided to be brave and come out to his friends in the middle of his second year, he started dating Alex. He was tall and had short brown hair and sparkling chocolate eyes. Things were going well between them and Isak thought that after years of misery, his life was finally starting to look better. They dated for more than a year, year in which Isak started talking to his mom again and visited her more often, tried but mostly failed to make amends with his father and grew closer to his friends and Eskild. 

They were talking about moving in together because it was high time Isak left the kollektivet and gave Noora her room back. She was starting to get backpains from sleeping on the sofa all the time. But then, during the summer between his last year and the start of uni, when he went to Alex's house to surprise him, he found him in bed with another boy, his heart breaking at the sight.

* 

Isak grew bitter after that, decided that love wasn't real or worth it. He only went to bars that Eskild dragged him to because ' _you can't stay single for the rest of your life Baby Jesus, just because Alex was an asshole it doesn't mean that all boys are'._ He made out with random guys at parties and sometimes took things a little further with them, but swore that he was not going to enter another relationship any time soon. There was a guy who caught his attention once. He had swoopy blonde hair, blue eyes and plump lips that made Isak's mouth water. But he didn't know his name or get his number and he didn't see him at any other party after that.

He decided that he should really move out, boyfriend or not, but because he was broke, he needed a roomate. That being Even - reason number 3 on why his love life sucks list. He realised that he was the boy he made out with that caught his interest, but Even didn't seem to rememeber that, so he didn't bring it up. No need to make things awkward with somebody you were going to live with. And it wasn't like he had a thing for him or anything, and he definitely didn't want a new relationship. After living with him he would probably discover some of his weird habbits and the 'magic' would wear off.

Except that he didn't find anything to make him dislike Even. He was an excellent cook-Alex was shit at cooking-and he was so so nice with him. 

"Let's make a house rules list." Even suggested during their first week of living together. "So we don't piss each other off with anything."

 _Oh you could never piss me off while looking like that...Wtf pull yourself together Isak_

"Okay" Isak agreed smiling.

 _1\. Don't bring anybody over, hook-up or just friend/s without asking the other in advance as he might need silence to study._  
_2\. Don't listen to loud music for the same reason._  
_3\. Respect the chores arrangement that you will both make and agree too._  
_4\. That is all. Kisses._  


Isak's heart clenched at the thought of Even bringing a hook-up home but he brushed it off because he didn't like him. He could be straight for all he knew. If he was so drunk that he didn't even remember it, the kiss they shared didn't have to mean that he was into guys. And even if he was, Isak wasn't interested anyway. Yes he kept telling himself that.

* 

Things came to an head a week later on a friday night when they went to a party together and Isak introduced Even to his friends. It was all great and fun until Isak saw Alex making out with the guy he cheated on him with, pressed against a wall. Isak drank a whole bottle of tequila in less than an hour after that and Even had to drag his ass home before he did anything stupid.

"He fucked me up so bad Even, you have no idea." Isak said after Even threw him on his bed and tucked him in. "I thought we were happy and then all of a sudden I caught him with somebody else." Tears were streaming down his face now. "I just don't get what is wrong with me, why I am so unloveable." 

Even wiped his tears away as he sat next to him. "Shhh there is nothing wrong with you Is, he is the one who fucked up and you shouldn't let him break you. And you are not unloveable, you deserve everything good in the world."

"I don't think I will ever fall in love again. I won't survive another heartbreak." Isak whispered and Even hugged him then, and that is how they ended up cuddling on the bed the entire night while Isak cried himself to sleep.

The next morning when he woke up in Even's ams, Isak panicked. _Did they- he wasn't ready for that and he would rather he was sober enough to enjoy it if it happened-_

"Nothing happened." Even said startling Isak who didn't know that he was awake. _Can he read my mind or what_ "I just held you because it seemed like you needed it. After that...encounter with your ex."  


"Fuck." Isak said as the events from the previous nights were slowly coming back.

"Care to tell me more about what happened between the two if you? I understand if you don't want to talk about it, but sometimes talking to a friendly face helps a lot, to let some of that tension you've been holding in you up." 

They grew closer after that day. They spent the whole weekend watching movies on Isak's bed and talking. Even told him he was bipolar and about the relationship he had with Sonja. Isak confessed the issues he had with his parents and how his mother was mentally ill. He also talked about the time he lived in a basement and how he thought that Alex saved him, only to let him down later.

On Sunday they were sitting side by side on the mattress and sharing a joint, silently enjoying each other's presence until Isak said: 

"I believe in the theory of parallel universes. I just find it interesting how big everything is and how insignificant we are...how everything that can happen is going to happen, or not just going to, it is happening right now...There is probably a universe where an Isak and an Even are lying like us, except that the curtains are a different colour, so they are not yellow." _Maybe in that universe we are together_

"So white curtains then?" 

"Yeah. White curtains."

* 

Short after the most amazing weekend Isak had since his relationship with Alex ended, Even left the apartment and didn't come back for two weeks. At first Isak feared that that he might have crossed a line, that he did something to reveal his feelings for Even who freaked out and left running. But then he rememeber what Even told him, about how he goes to his parents' place and stays in bed all day when he is depressed because he doesn't have the energy to get up. So Isak did his research and talked to Magnus, then went to bring Even back home. And he did his best after that, trying to make Even's days a little brighter. 

Three months passed and Even started bringing girls over.  When Even asked him if he needed to study or anything and if he could bring somebody over, Isak really hoped it was about his friends. He liked Mikael and the guys. But his worst fear came true and he witnessed the very unwelcome image of a blondie pressed to Even against their kitchen door. Isak could only swallow hard and imagine that it was him pinned under Even instead of that girl in another universe. It happened multiple times after that and Isak came to the conclusion that Even was straight. But then he brought a guy over and Isak nearly fell out the sofa. _Okay so it wasn't becuase he was hetero, it was because of me, okay._

 _Well two could play this game._ So Isak took a deep breath and installed grindr. From then on, he had very loud and rough sex all night just to spite Even, but much to his distress, Even didn't seem bothered at all. Well fuck. He hated all the bruises he had on his body that were throbbing painfully in the shower and decided to stop. Even didn't have anybody over for a while either.

Six months of living together and Isak was very stressed about the exams that were coming because newsflash, med school is hard, and the fact that his mother was in the middle of a spiral and sending him biblical quotes non-stop wasn't helping his mental state either. He couldn't sleep and he felt dead on his feet every day. He had been moving around looking white as a ghost with dark circles under his eyes until Even called him out on it:

"A wise person once told me that there is nothing wrong with asking for help sometimes, because people need people. And I noticed that you have been struggling lately and if you want to talk about it, you should now that I am here. Always." 

And he sounded so honest and sincere that Isak wanted to cry. And he did. On Even's shoulder who held him close and rubbed circles on his back in a soothing movement.

Even spooned him that night, and the next one, and the next one, until he could sleep peacefully again. 

"It doesn't have to mean anything, you know, we can keep doing this if it helps you."

_But I want it to mean something. I want that so bad._

They stopped after a week because Isak thought it was too much.

"I tried to kill myslef once." Even blurted ond day and Isak dropped the spoon he was holding.

Even told him about the Mikael incident, about how he tried to cure himself by reading the Quran, about how life didn't seem worth living for him anymore and decided to end it, but he wasn't successful because his parents found him.

"I had to repeat my third year, I almost transferred to Nissen but decided to stick with Bakka. Maybe in another universe I did move to Nissen and met you earlier." Even smiled. 

Isak couldn't pay attention to that statement or its implications though, he only hugged him as they were both still trembling and crying. He tightened the hold he had on Even and whispered in his ear: "I am glad that you are alive."

"Me too." Even answered and they slept spooning each other again that night.

* 

Isak decided that he needed to move on from Even after that because he clearly didn't reciprocate his feelings. And it was fine because this happened to him before, if he managed to get over Jonas and still be friends after that, he could do this with Even too. And he didn't want to lose him as a friend over a stupid crush because he valued their friendship so much. They were friends who held each other when they were crying or couldn't sleep. Friends who feed each other and look at each other as if they were in love, at least that was what their friends told them.

 _"Those heart eyes he is making when he looks at you, trust me, he likes you."_

_"Bro, Even is looking at you as if he was a jealous ex or something, I was almost sure he was about to murder that dude you hooked up with. Are you sure there is nothing going on between the two of you?"_ Magnus commented more than once 

And Isak could see it, the way Even looked at him while he was kissing some guy at a party. Isak wanted to scream because _Can't you see how bad I want this to be you? Why can't you?!_  


"All men are shit." Eva who understood everything and seemed far more sober than Isak thought said, while clinging to his shoulder. "Too bad you don't like girls too. That solved my problem." She continued while winking at Vilde who was looking at her across the room. 

**______________________________________________________________________________________________________**

That is why he found himself still pining after Even after a whole fucking year of living together.

After the kiss they shared in the goddamn bathroom, he thought that he could finally have what he craved so much. But then Even broke his heart into a million of pieces again when he told him that he couldn't remeber it. It was the second time that happened. And if Isak could believe it the first time because Even did seem out of it that night at that paty, he sure as hell didn't believe him now. He went to his room and screamed in his pillow. He started having troubles sleeping again and if Even noticed that, he didn't comment on it. When he told him that he should hook up with a doctor, Isak wanted the ground the swallow him all. 

**Fuck you!** He shouted and raised his middle finger at their windows when he left the apartment. People were staring at him for throwing a tantrum im the street.

"You look like hell." Sana commented eyeing him up and down.

"Well I feel like it too." Isak said as he opened his books.

Sana stared at him again for a while, but then added: 

"You should talk to Even. For all I know he likes you too-"

"Taking to Even is all I ever do and if he does, he doesn't show it." Isak groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Sana looked as if she wanted to talk more but class started and Isak gestured for her to pay attention.

He could't even enjoy his first day as an intern at the hospital because he was too angry and tired, tired of everything.

 * 

He went back home on foot even though it would take him an eternity to get to their apartment, because there was no way he could drive properly in this state. He blasted music in his earbuds and kept on walking until he felt his feet burning.  

Unfortunately, he was exhausted and his sleep-deprived brain didn't register the light turning red or the car that was honking loudly and trying to slow down but was too late. As he fell down, blood rolling down his forehead and his eyes facing the dark sky, he heard screaming all around him and felt an imense amount of pain as he was slipping into unconsciousness.

Then he felt nothing at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This got way sadder and darker at the end than I thought it would. Well...  
> Isak is not dead!! If you are thinking about this, I said it, he isn't. So no need to come after me.
> 
> Now spoilers for my other story 'Forget me not'. Stop here if you didn't read that one.  
> Did you see the difference between the two? In that one, Isak was happy and his life was going great, the accident was not his fault, the other driver crashed into him. Whereas in this story Isak was not in a very good headspace. He was heartbroken and tired, he felt as if a car ran over him and that is exactly what happened. Here the accident was his fault beacuse he didn't pay attention to the road.


	3. Six hours (Take me back to the night we met)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song to listen to: Lord Huron - The night we met  
> The first part of this chapter is the peak of angst in this story, so be careful. The flashback is mostly fluff thankfully.

Even looked at his watch. Six hours. Six whole hours since he arrived at the hospital and in the crowded ER of a friday night. It was three in the morning and he hadn't moved an inch on the plastic chiar he was sitting on since he last talked to a doctor a little over an hour ago. He brought his hands to his face and sighed deeply. He couldn't cry anymore, there were no tears left after how much he cried the first time he talked to a nurse. 

_6 hours 2 minutes, 3 minutes, 4 minutes..._ Every minute was pure torture and lasted an eternity to his mind.

He told everybody in the hospital that he was Isak's step brother so they would let him stay as only family memebers were allowed to stay over visiting hours and it was way past that time. It was a blatant lie but surprisingly not a totally unbelievable one, because people mistook them for brothers once before, which was weird because that was not the kind of love he had for Isak, no, far from so.

_6 hours 10 minues, 11 minues, 12 minutes..._

The place smelled sterille and strange. The whole atmosphere was unpleasing and made him feel anxious and uneasy. He bit his lip so hard that he could taste blood. The white walls, the stunned silence that was only once broken by a woman's desperate and choked scream after she found out that her husband died, all these things gave him the creeps. He didn't even think about eating or sleeping when his stomach was rolling with nausea and he was feeling a deep pain in his chest caused by the rapid beating of his heart, the kind of pain he usually felt during one of his depressive episodes.

_6 hours 20 minutes, 21 minutes, 22 minutes..._

_Please be okay please let him be okay please be okay-_ He had been repeating these worlds over and over since he entered the hospital doors, like a mantra or a prayer he didn't know to whom was directed. 

"Bech Næsheim?" A voice called and snapped Even from his thoughts, making him sit up abruptly.

"Yes?" 

"The surgery went well, but we think that your brother might be in a coma now."

Even's blood ran cold.

"We can't know for sure right now since the anesthesic hasn't worn off, but he had been completely unresponsive since he was brought in, so the next few hours are critical."

Even nodded silently, fighting the tears that were threatening to fall again. _At least he is not dead._

"You can go see him if you want." The doctor said as he lead the way to Isak's room.

Even stopped in his tracks when he saw his sweet boy looking so small under the big oxygen mask that looked as if it was swallowing his whole face. He looked white as a ghost underneath all the cuts and bruises, and he was attached to various tubes and wires that made no sense to Even.

"I'll let you two alone for a bit." The doctor commented sensing the thick tension in the air.

Even took a deep breath and sat next to Isak's bed on a chair, taking one of his hands into his own. He squeezed it hard, hoping for a twitch, some kind of sign that the younger boy was still somewhere in there, but his heart only broke more when it didn't stir. He brought it to his lips, kissing his knuckles softly.

"I'm sorry, Is. I'm so sorry. I wish I had done things differently. I wish I wasn't so scared of telling you how I feel." Even was crying again now and each other sounded more like a sob.

"I hope you can hear me now when I tell you this because it is very important...Please wake up. Wake up because I love you. I know I never told you this but I do. So much. I love you like I haven't loved anyone else before. I knew I was going to fall for you the minute I met you and all the months we spent together only made my prediction come true. I am so so sorry that you had to be brought into this state for me to finally say it out loud. Please don't leave me. I am in love with you and I don't think that I can live without you."

_6 hours 44 minues, 45 minutes, 46 minutes..._

Isak remained unmoving and if it wasn't for the heart monitor that was beeping loudly near them, Even would have thought that he was dead at how still and cold he was. With Isak's heartbeat being a testament that he was still alive and fighting, and the knowledge that not everything was lost yet, exhaustion finally kicked in and Even fell asleep with his head propped on the hospital bed.

 **______________________________________________________________________________________________________**

"Hi! I'm Isak." A boy with golden curls, green eyes and the most beautiful cupid's bow Even had ever seen said smiling, bringing one of his hands forward, probably waiting for Even to shake it in a greeting sign, but he was too lost in his thoughts to react. Isak was wearing a red scarf that was swallowing his neck and half of his face and a grey beanie. Despite all the layers he was wearing, Even could see he was well-built, so he was mot likely going to the gym. He could bet he had a six-pack underneath that green jacket. _Fuck Sana didn't tell me he was hot._

"And you are?" Isak laughed and Even felt himself getting weak in the kness. _What a nice sound, please do it again._

"Even." He managed to mumble, trying but mostly failing to maintain his chill and laid-back persona. _Calm down you've only known him for what? Two minutes?_

"I guess we will share an apartment." Isak continued, trying to break the awkward silence as they made their way through the crowded park to find an empty bench.

"I guess so too." _What the fuck Even you are usually cooler than this. You should have used your charm on him already, not made a fool of yourself by not saying anything at all._

They finally found one and sat next to each other while watching two dogs romping in the grass in front of them.

"I heard you are a film student who is planning to become a director one day?" Isak asked.

"And who told you that?" Even raised his eyebrows.

"I have my people." Isak winked. _Damn he has game_

Even raised his eyebrows even higher.

"Alright. Sana told me." Isak shrugged

"Oh Sana. Elias' sister. Of course. I heard you two are close friends?" Even asked, fishing for more information.

"We are. We've been in the same year in Nissen. We didn't even speak to each other until our second year though. We kind of were forced to become biology partners after she sat next to me in class. She was trying to blackmail me into joining her revue group by not giving my weed back. It is an interesting story actually, but considering that we just met..."

"Wait. You said weed?" Even interrupted him. "I didn't take Sana for a pot smoker. I mean she kind of scolded us when she caught me and my buddy Mikael smoking when we were like 15..."

Isak laughed. "She doesn't smoke, but I guess you could call her a drug dealer for what she's done. And aside from that incident, she is great."

"She is." Even nodded. _You are too._ "And I definitely want to hear more of that story later. I suppose that you are starting med school since you are studying with her?"

"I am." 

"Well it means you are very smart then." _Beautiful and smart. I might faint._

Isak's cheeks turned red as he let out a short giggle.

_You are so cute._

"So I found this very cheap apartment that has two bedrooms..." Isak said pulling out his phone, probably to show Even the house but then he stopped and shook his head. "I can't believe we have never bumped into each other before. I mean I was at Sana's place to study so many times and I saw the boys but not you..."

Even averted his eyes from meeting Isak's. 

"Well it is probably because I only started talking to them again recently. We had...a fall out a while ago and I didn't keep in touch with them for years until recently as I said."

"Oh." was all Isak said. "It's fine, you don't have to tell me, we just met after all." He sent him a reassuring smile and Even met his gaze again.

"Thank you. Even mumbled. "I...also broke up with my girlfriend of six year and that is actually the reason why I am looking for a new place to stay."

"That must be tough." Isak nodded and this time it was him who avoided eye contact. "I...also got out of a relationship, it was only a year long, but yeah...I was planning to move in with him but he..." Isak seemed to have trouble finishing the sentence.

"You don't have to tell me anything you don't want either. It's already a lot for a first meeting." Even patted Isak's back hoping that what he did wasn't too much, that he hadn't crossed his boundaries somehow.

Thankfully, the gesture brought a smile to Isak's face again, so Even considered that a victory.

"Wanna go get a drink or something? I know a nice bar nearby." Isak asked and Even nodded.

They ordered two beers and Isak raised his cup "To living together!"

"To living togerher" Even repeated, eyes crinkling with laughter.

"And to forgetting our exes because love is bullshit." Isak said as he leaned his head back, brought the cup to his mouth and chugged its whole content in less than 3 minutes.

"Yeah...Love is bullshit." Even repeated looking down as Isak was already ordering a second beer.

*

They talked a lot after that, but they didn't go into any heavy topics. They chatted about school: Nissen vs Bakka, about uni and about what furniture they should buy.

"I should have guessed you went to Bakka, considering that you are a pretentious film hipster.." Isak said.

"Excuse me? Baz Luhrmann makes the best love stories and you can't deny it." Even said taking a sip of his beer.

"Who's that?"

"Oh my god you are so uncultured." At that Isak pulled a face.

"Don't worry. We'll watch all his movies together."

"No way. If you force me to I will look for another roomate."

"You won't find somebody else willing to live with your nerdy ass, mr _I breathe biology and I know 100 facts about the stars._ "

"Astronomy is cool."

"No, it is not."

*

"Come on. Let's dance! I love this song." Even sat up and grabbed Isak's hand, feeling brave from the alcohol in his bloodstream. 

"Are you kidding me?" Isak said in disbelief.

"Nei."

"You like Gabrielle?!"

_You make me fired up  
There's nothing that can cool me down_

Even was lyp-sincing the lyrics and dancing around Isak who only rolled his eyes in response.

_You make everything go up in smoke  
There's no one else I'd rather do this with_

At that Isak started to bop his head to the beat of the music.

"See? You are dancing too!"

"Nei!"

_Five fine ladies in the club, we command  
Turn it all the way up to the sky_

"You are such a fucking dork. I hate you." Isak exclaimed shoving Even in the chest who only laughed louldy.

"You don't."

"No. I don't."

*

They left the bar giggling and Even looked at his watch. He had been out with Isak for six hours. He couldn't believe it, it is incredible how fast time flies.

Isak looked at him, scratching the back of his neck:"Well, I should get going-"

Even felt as if he was in Cinderella. It was almost midnight, so the magic would wear off soon. But he didn't want it to end, not when he felt so good in the little bubble they created. He had to come up with something fast so he put his hand in his pocket and smiled when he found a joint. He rarely smoked now, but he figured it was a good occasion.

"Before you go..." He said as he pulled the joint out.

"Eyyy." Isak smiled.

They sat on a bench in front of the bar and Even took a deep drag before passing the cigar to Isak.

"So what music do you listen to, if not the greatness that Gabrielle is?"  Even asked.

Isak rolled his eyes. "I'm a big N.W.A fan."

"That's what gets you going before uni?"

Isak nodded as he blew a ring of smoke in the air and Even was staring at his mouth. _Well fuck_

He cleared his throat. "Have you listened to anything by Nas?

"Nas? Yeah" Isak repeated but pronounced it wrong.

"It doesn't sound like you have. I told you that you are unclutured and you didn't believe me."

"Fuck you." Isak spit but he was laughing.

_Oh I wish_

They stared at each other for a while, something between trepidation and desire reflecting in their eyes, but then Isak's phone started ringing. _It's the middle of the night who the fuck_

Isak sent him an apologetic look as he answered without looking at the screen to see who was calling.

_Baby! I'm so sorry. Please f-forgive me. We can work it out...I-I regret what I did so much..._

All the light Isak had in his eyes completely vanished and his face fell. Even hoped to never see that look on Isak again.

"Fuck you Alex!" The younger boy shouted and brought his hands to his face after throwing his phone away.

Even feared that he was crying and was thinking about ways to comfort him, when Isak spoke up: "My ex...trying to get me back or something...I'm sorry for bringing down the mood."

"Hey. It's fine." Even said as he put a hand on Isak's and gave it a squeeze. "It's pretty late. I'll drive you home."

"Thank you." Isak said but he was still frowning and they didn't talk the entire ride.

"I guess I will see you on Wednesday? To see the apartment?"

"Sure." Isak shrugged.

_Fuck that Alex for making him so sad._

"Good night Isak."

"Good night Even."

* 

After he arrived home, Even sat on his bed and opened the groupchat.

 _ **Hey Briskeby**_

_**20:30**_

_**Elias** : How did the meeting with the future roomate go? Is he nice? I'll have a talk with Sana if he isn't._

_**Mikael** : Yes man. Tell us the details._

_**23:45**_

_**Adam** : It's pretty late and he is still not answering. Should we worry?_

_**00:10**_

_**Mutta** : What if that guy killed him?_

_**Yousef** : Sana wouldn't recommend a killer, Mutta. And you met Isak, Sana is studying with him all the time._

_**Elias** : Ohh is he the blonde guy that I cornered when I caught Sana alone with him in her room lol?_

_**Yousef** : Yep.That one._

_**Adam** : Bahaha that time was hillarious. Elias was asking the poor kid all those questions._

_**Mutta** : Yeah and he was so uncomfortable until he casually mentioned that he had a boyfriend. Elias' face was priceless then._

_**Elias** : Very funny haha_

_**Mikael** : Wait. Isak is into guys? Hmmmm_

_**Yousef** : You don't think?..._

_**All of them** : EVEN _

_**1:20**_

_**Even** : Guys, is it possible to fall in love in 6 hours?_

_**Adam** : he is alive! And he speaks!_

_**Mutta** : So not a serial killer then. Good._

_**Yousef** : @Even what??_

_**Elias** : hahahaha sgsbsnnsjsjs_

_**Mikael** : Chill Romeo. How is he?_

_**Even** : Incredible. Perfect. Much better than I expected._

_**Mikael** : Wow..._

_**Elias** : :))) _

_**Mutta** : Whipped man_

_**Yousef** : Take it easy though._

_**Mikael** : Yes, keep in mind the fact that you will have to share an apartment with this guy._

_**1:45**_

_**Mikael** : Even? You there??_

_**Adam** : He is offline. Must have fallen asleep._

**______________________________________________________________________________________________________**

Even woke up smiling from the blur of his dream, but then realised where he was. The hospital. Right. Isak was still unmoving next to him and he felt like crying again at the sight. 

"Good morning!" The doctor greeted, entering the room. 

"We didn't want to wake you up, you looked like you needed to rest. Unfortunately, your brother is in a coma as we predicted."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi to me on tumblr: shinystar66...or scream at me for the angst. I get it.  
> Disclaimer: I know nothing about hospitals and medical stuff, all I know is from good old google and watching tv shows like Grey's anatomy or House MD. I am sorry if what I wrote is inaccurate.


	4. Hold on (One more time with feeling)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have more songs this time! And they don't necessarily fit this chapter, but the story as a whole.  
> The title of the chapter: Regina Spektor - One more time with feeling  
> Tom Odell - Another love (I feel like this song fits both Isak and Even's povs because they have both been in rocky relationships previously.  
> The 1975 - fallingforyou  
> And of course the surprise that I won't be mentioning here.  
> *  
> The flashback is chaper 2 but from Even's pov so you can see his motives.

_**9:20**_  
_**Sana** : Hey Even is Isak okay? Why is he not at uni?_  
_**Jonas** : Isak is not answering his phone and I've been calling him since yesterday. Is something wrong?_

_**11:16**_  
_**Mik** : Where are you??_  
_**Mik** : Are you mad at me for what I've told you yesterday? Was I too hard on you?_  
_**Mik** : Actually I don't regret what I said, you needed to hear that_  
_**Mik** : Have you talked to Isak? Is that why you are not answering?_

_**12:12**_  
_**Hey Briskeby**_  
_**Adam** : Guys, have you heard the news? A guy in his twenties who is a med student was hit by a car yesterday while crossing on red light._  
_**Yousef** : Oh no_  
_**Mutta** : Shit_  
_**Elias** : Does Sana know him or something?_  
_**Mikael** : Fuck I hope I am wrong_  
_**Elias** : ??????_

_**7 missed calls from Mik**_  
_**Mik:** I know!!! Pick up the damn phone!!!!!!_

* 

"Hey mom!" Even said, clutching the phone to his ear, voice shaking.  


_"Hi sweetie! Mikael told me earlier that you are not at uni. Where are you? Is something wrong?"_  


"I'm at the hospital." Even managed to mumble while holding back tears. 

_"Hospital? What happened. Are you okay?"_

"I am fine...It's about Isak."

 **______________________________________________________________________________________________________**

_"I don't think that I will fall in love ever again. I won't survive another heartbreak"_

Even hated Isak's ex with a burning passion and swore that he was going to punch that guy in the face one day. It wasn't the first time he heard his roomate saying things like that. The _love is bullshit_ comment wasn't really nice either. Even's heart broke at Isak's words because he was crushing on him so hard, but his brain was constanly screaming: _You will hurt him and he will hate you. You can't do this to him, not after what he has been through_ , so he ultimately decided not to act on his feelings. Little did he know back then how much he would regret his decision to pull away later. 

Even held Isak tight that night to help him sleep. The next morning he woke up before Isak and lay next to him, observing his delicate features illuminated by the early morning light. He traced lines along his face with the tip of his fingers, as if to memorize all the details. He was gentle and careful not to disturb his sleep because that was the last thing he wanted, his fingers barely brushing against the younger boy's skin. He touched his hair, his cheeks and his forehead where he stopped to smooth frown between his eyebrows. Even's heart grew three sizes when his roomate leaned into the touch and smiled in his sleep. _What are you dreaming about?_

They spent an amazing weekend after that and Even was sure that he was falling for both Isak's mind and his soul. But then his episode came, and the crushing depression reminded him again of his decision. Isak deserved better. So he kept his distance. They were roomates and nothing more. He made Isak scrambled eggs and pancakes at breakfast, and they would drink their coffees together in the morning or watch movies in the living room at night, but that was as far as their interactions went. 

"You need to get laid bro." Elias told him one day. "You've been really uptight lately." 

"No, I haven't." Even tried to protest but he knew that Elias had a point. 

"Yes. You have." Mikael chimed in. "And we know exactly why, but if you don't want to do anything about that, you should at least have some random hook-ups to release the stress." 

"Mikael is right." Mutta added. "And you haven't been with anyone since Sonja, right? You need to get back into the game." 

"No no this could be great! This way you could make Isak jealous to see if he really likes you." Adam said and the rest of the boys agreed, except for Yousef. 

"I don't think that is a good idea." Yousef tried to protest. "I mean I know that from personal experience." 

Elias eyed him suspiciously and they changed the subject after that, but Even was left thinking. He decided that he really needed a distraction to get over Isak so he picked random people from bars, both men and women and slept with them, but he felt empty on the inside because he was always picturing someone else in his bed. 

That 'someone else' also started bringing guys over every night and Even felt like throwing up when he saw the purple bruises on Isak's neck that were multiplying constanly, but he tried his best to keep a straight face and smile brightly whenever they met in the hallway. _What kind of beast leaves those marks?_

"You brought all those people to your apartment for Isak to see? That's fucked up bro. No wonder he gave you a taste of your own medicine." Mikael commented while typing something furiously on his laptop. 

"But it was your idea!! You guys encouraged me to do this!" Even protested as he threw away the sheet of paper he was writing on. They had to work on a scenario as an assignment, but Even's mind was blank and he had zero inspiration. 

"Yeah but I thought you would go to their houses too. But no, you had to shove them all in the poor kid's face. Maybe Yousef was right, this wasn't a good idea." Mikael added as he closed his laptop and moved to sit next to Even. 

Even sighed and decided to stop for now. He didn't have a lot of free time anyway, not when they had to work on so many projects. 

"Okay but what if we used the camera from a different angle..." 

*

A few months passed and Isak looked terrible. Even was worried because his roomate wasn't eating and he wasn't sleeping. He was wasting away like the sand you hold in your hands that trickles through your fingers. Even felt useless until he decided to step in. And when Isak cried in his arms again, he knew that he would do anything in his power to protect this boy, no matter what what happened between them. They started spooning again at night and Even picked his old habbit of watching Isak sleep. He had to keep himself from kissing his face every night, until Isak said he didn't need cuddles anymore, depite Even's reassuring that they didn't have to mean anything.

* 

It was a friday night and they were sitting on the sofa and watching a movie, Isak's head resting on Even's lap who was playing with his hair. 

"How come you have that guitar on the wall and you never use it?" Isak asked in the middle of the movie. 

"Why are you asking? Do you want me to serenade you? I mean I already did but you didn't appreciate Gabrielle's high quality music." Even teased. 

Isak rolled his eyes. "No, but it would be nice if you played me a song or something." 

"Maybe I will one day." Even smiled. 

The movie was quite boring and neither of them paid attention to it, so their discussion changed to a heavier topic. 

"So you cheated on her. Twice." Isak gulped. 

"Yes, and I know that was really wrong and that the fact that I was manic or drunk doesn't excuse it. If I could go back in time and prevent it from happening, I would, trust me..." Even sighed "I-I thought you would hate me after hearing about this." 

"I could never hate you Ev." Isak smiled as he looked up to meet Even's gaze. "I get why it happened and from what I heard, you were both really unhappy with your relationship." 

"We were." Even looked in another direction. "We fell out of love and I can't even pinpoint the time when that happened."

"Well that is the thing.You see, I thought that me and Alex were happy, everything was going great, we had sex the day before for fuck's sake. And then when I found him with somebody else, I can't even describe it...I felt...like an object that you get bored of after a while and decide to throw away because it is useless...like complete garbage." Isak was playing with the strings from his hoodie nervously and his voice was shaking. 

"You are not garbage. And you deserve somebody better." _I wish I could be that person for you but I am not_

Isak looked at him for a while. "Would you do that again...cheat I mean?" 

Even had to take a few minutes to process the question. _Why would he ask that after what I just told him? Unless..._

"No! Never!"

Isak chuckled. "Good to know that." 

And there it was. Isak licked his his lips and parted them slightly, having the same half-lidded look he had on the bench the day they met. The 'I want to be kissed look.' 

But then of course they had to be interrupted again. The pizza delivery guy, of course. After the movie was over and they finished eating, Even, like the coward he was, excused himself and went to his room where he freaked out and immediately phoned Mikael to whom he vented for an hour.

*

The kiss that was postponed twice happened eventually, in the most ridiculous place possible too. If Even had planned that moment in advance, he would have found a pool to recreate the Romeo and Juliet kiss, but it had to happen when they were both standing on piss. Very romantic indeed. Then he had to deny remembering the moment and his whole came crashing down.

 **______________________________________________________________________________________________________**

Everybody worried that Even would slip into an episode from all the emotional stress, but he didn't because he decided he needed to stay strong for Isak. He followed his schedule in a mechanical way, almost robot-like. He took his meds, ate three times a day even though it tasted like nothing but ash, slept eight hours per night despite the pillow that was soaked in tears (nobody needs to know the fact that he stole Isak's most worn hoodie and burried his nose in it to fall asleep), he even returned to uni after three days. 

The only things he gave up on were his job and hanging out with his friends because he wanted to spend more time at the hospital. He watched over Isak's bed like a guardian and held his hand and talked to him every day, either whispering sweet nothings in his ear or begging him to wake up. 

Nine days passed when he saw Jonas sitting in his usual spot next to Isak's bed and he stopped in his tracks. 

"Hi." Even gulped 

"Halla." Jonas raised his head and greeted with a small smile, gesturing for Even to come closer 

"I get it if you hate me." Even bowed his head. 

"Why would I hate you?" Jonas knitted his bushy eyebrows in confusion. 

"Because this is all my fault." Even swallowed hard, massaging the lump in his throat. 

"No. It is not. As far as I know you weren't the one driving the car that ran over him." Jonas responsed. 

"I wasn't...but it was because of **me** that he didn't pay attention to the road. I was such an asshole to him and he had trouble falling asleep again and I noticed and did nothing to help him-" 

"Even." Jonas said, punctuating each syllabe. "Isak is a big boy. Maybe you did hurt his feelings, but that doesn't excuse the fact that he was careless and irresponsible. Waiting for the light to turn green is basic knowledge, something we are taught since we are children and that should become an instinct." 

"But-" 

"No buts. He takes the whole blame for this one. Maybe you could put the blame on the driver who didn't slow down too, but he comes second anyway. And honestly, Isak could have been upset over anything really. He was also very tired from uni and work and this could have happened even if you didn't do anything at all." 

Even nodded silently but he still seemed unconvinced. Jonas' word helped him ease some of the guilt that had been eating him alive though. 

"I am mad at you." Jonas continued. "But I can't say the accident was your fault when you had nothing to do with it. And you know why I am mad? Because you weren't honest about your feelings for him. Because we could have avoided months of him moping around if you just told him." 

"I know." Even said, his voice raising an octave higher. "And you have no idea how much I regret that. God Joans, I just keep thinking that...that he could die without knowing how much I love him." 

"Tell him." Jonas said. "If these doctors know a damn thing and they are right, they say that patients in comas can hear everything around them." 

"I did tell him- but I wish I could be sure that he heard me." Even said and every word sounded like a sob. 

"Well then tell him when he wakes up. Because he will. If there is a thing that I am sure of after all these years I've known Isak, is that he is strong. He can pull through." _But what if he doesn't_

* 

Even couldn't fall asleep that night. He kept replaying the conversation he had with Jonas over and over in his head. He was tossing and turning in his bed when something drew his attention - the guitar hanging on the wall. 

_How come you have that guitar and you never use it._

* 

"Hi Isak. It's still me, Even. If you can really hear me you must have gotten tired of me rambling to you every day by now...I've already told you that I love you and miss you so many times for the past ten days, I felt like doing something different today." He sat in his usual spot and placed the guitar in his lap. He started playing it while also singing quietly, and his voice was shaky but he tried to keep it together. 

_**The other night dear, when I lay sleeping**_

_**I dreamed I held you in my arms**_

_Cut to all the nights they spent cuddling and holding each other close_

_**But when I awoke, dear, I was mistaken**_

_**So I hung my head and I cried**_

_Cut to Even weeping in his pillow_

_**You are my sunshine, my only sunshine**_

_**You make me happy when skies are gray**_

_Cut to the times Isak took care of him when he was depressed or simply having a bad day_

_**You'll never know dear, how much I love you**_

_**Please don't take my sunshine away**_

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath as he finished the song when he noticed it: the change in the beeping of the heart monitor, Isak's eyes moving behind his eyelids and his fingers twitching as Even grabbed his hand. 

_He is waking up_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do you think? Did you like it??  
> As if for the last song, there are so many versions but I love this one:  
> https://youtu.be/rc2jsjnt-HY


	5. Am I in heaven now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we got to the ending. Thank you to all of you who left kudos and comments and encouraged me to keep going.  
> This is quite short but I hope you will still like it. I wanted to finish the story today because otherwise I wouldn't have been able to update for a while.  
> Edit: I forgot to mention, the song of the chapter is Lykke Li - Tonight (and it is also the inspiration for the title of the story, of course)

Isak slowly opened his eyes, batting his eyelashes gently and the green pools of light were staring directly into Even’s soul. He looked confused like a sleepy cat whose sleep was rudely interrupted, not like somebody who fought death and had been in a coma for more than a week.

Even was internally screaming with joy, but he had to stop himself from lunging at Isak because he didn’t want to stress the poor boy back into a coma.

“Hi” He chose to stay instead, brushing away the hair from Isak’s clammy forehead and pressing a wet kiss between the eyes that he missed so much.

“Did I die? Am I in heaven now?” Isak asked, voice raspy from not using it for that long.

“No. You didn’t die. On the contrary actually.” Even laughed and there were tears rolling down his face, but these were happy tears, opposite to the ones he had been shedding for the past ten days.

“Then why are you acting like this?”

“Like what?” Even frowned.

“Like I mean something to you.” Isak asked and his sad expression and the way he averted his gaze broke Even’s heart a little. He knew they would have to talk, but he didn’t expect it to happen this soon, when he just woke up minutes ago. But at the same time, he couldn’t bear the thought of being the cause of Isak’s distress any longer.

“You mean everything to me.” Even said and Isak finally looked him in the eyes. “You mean the whole world to me. And you know why? Because I love you. I am so sorry that I haven’t told you this before and left you hanging so many times, but I do love you. So much. I am in love with you and have been since the day I met you on that bench in the park. And I remember our kiss, I am so sorry I said I didn’t. And I’ll probably never forget it considering how ridiculous it was, that there was something I won’t mention on the damn bathroom floor. Anyway, the point is: You are my universe, Isak, and I am sorry you had to almost die for me to finally say it.”

Isak only stared at him "Wow...that was a pretty long speech, did it take you long to memorize it? Did you practice?"

Even snorted. That was not the answer he expected but he will take it. _This is the Isak I know and love._

"I'm so happy you are awake baby." Even whispered as he caressed Isak's cheeks that immediately turned pink at the use of the nickname.

"What happened anyway? How long was I out?" Isak spoke up after a few minutes of silence and enjoying each other's presence.

"You don't remeber?" Even asked and Isak shook his head in response. "You crossed the street on red light and then you were in a coma for ten days." _Fucking hell saying all this out loud hurts._

"Ten days?" Isak exclaimed, mouth gaping. "I must have lost so many courses at uni..."

"Are you kidding me?" Even couldn't believe this boy. "That's what you are worried about? You are such a nerd oh my god."

Isak chuckled but then he winced in pain.

"What's wrong?" Even asked, eyes full of concern.

"My head hurts so bad..."

"Fuck, I'm so stupid. I didn't even ask how you are feeling. I should have called the doctor the minute you woke up. Hold on, I'll be back in a sec."

"Ev?" Isak raised his voice when Even got up to leave, and the older boy turned his head at the sound.

"I love you too." Isak whispered and Even's heart turned to mush.

*  


"Mr Valtersen. You are awake!" The doctor said as he entered the room. 

"That's such a relieve. Can you spell your name for me? And tell me the date of your birthday?"

"I-S-A-K. 21 June 1999."

"Alright. This is good." The doctor said as he wrote something down. "Your brother told me that you are in pain. Can you rate it from 1 to 10?"

"My what?" Isak squinted his eyes.

"Your brother Even. He was with you day and night. You have an incredible bond, I must say. I wish I was that close to my siblings."

"My brother Even." Isak repeated and laughed as he looked at his 'brother' who was smiling nervously.

*

Isak spent most of the follwing days sleeping, constanly dozing off and on as he was not fully conscious yet and Even stayed by his side the whole time.

"So bro." Isak said when he started feeling a little better and Even rolled his eyes in response.

"Please don't ever call me that again."

"You started this!...Anyway, what happened while I was gone? Fill me in." Isak asked as he sat up in a more comfortable position, with his back propped on the pillow. 

Even thought about it. "Honestly, I don't even know. I've been here with you most of the time." 

"Really? You weren't kidding then." Isak smirked. 

"How could I be kidding about something like that? Even said as he took Isak's hand into his own. "I want to be with you and it isn't that I didn't want it before. I was just scared that I would hurt you and I didn't want that after what you've been through already with that asshole of your ex." 

"Well you hurted me much more by rejecting me, you know?" 

"I'm sorry." Even looked at his feet. 

"It doesn't matter now." Isak lifted his chin with two fingers and pressed their lips together. Even thought he might explode from happiness as he titled his head to deepen the kiss. _Yes yes yes!_ They made out lazily for a while, with tongues and teeth clattering against each other until Isak pulled away panting. 

"Fucking hell. My heart is beating so fast." 

Even's face fell. "Are you okay? Do you want me to call a nurse?" 

"Oh my god it's not like that." Isak shoved him in the chest. "It's just that I wanted this for so long. Give me a break." 

Even laughed: "You scared me. And not just this time, I was so scared of losing you, you have no idea. I thought you were going to leave me alone and..." 

Isak cupped his face again and nuzzled their noses softly. "I am here now and you are not alone."

They stayed like that for a while, breathing each other in until the door flew open.

"Isaaaaak! You're awake and nobody told me!" Magnus said as he ran to his bed, practically shoving Even away who nearly fell of his chair, and hugged Isak tightly. 

"Mags, let him breathe dude." Mahdi said laughing and Jonas followed them short after. 

Jonas coughed loudly and Magnus pulled away. "What?" 

"My turn." Jonas said as he manhandled Isak and patted his back. "Missed you bro." He whispered, then turned around to face Even: "Told you he would wake up." 

Isak was overwhelmed by all the sudden attention and affection and his face was flushed. "Thank you guys." 

Magnus frowned a little as he seemed to have realised something. 

"Wait, were you two kissing before we came in? Are you together now?! That's so great. Oh my god, wait until the girls hear about this, Vilde and Eva placed bets on when the two of you will finally get together. They will freak out." 

*

Two weeks passed and they finally allowed Isak to go home. Things returned pretty much to normal after that. Except that instead of sleeping in their separate bedrooms, they both moved to Even's.

They were lying on the bed, Even's hand on Isak's chest (to feel his hearbeat as proof that he was alive) and just staring into each othere's eyes. _Blue and green, green and blue._

"How does changing from roomates to boyfriends go?" Even broke the silence. 

"Hmm we weren't exactly regular roomates, so there's not much of a change." 

"But what story are we going to tell people about our first kiss?" Even asked. "Because 'we were standing on piss' doesn't exactly sound cute or romantic."

"That was not our first kiss." Isak said nonchalantly.

"What do you mean?" Even knitted his eyebrows in confusion.

"We first kissed at a party weeks prior to us moving in together."

Even sat up and his yes widened. "You were the one I cheated on Sonja with? Oh my god. Yes. How could I forget?? Right. The same cupid's bow, the same deep green eyes...Wait if you knew that, why didn't you tell me?"

Isak's smile fell. "Well at first I thought that maybe you didn't want me and that was why you didn't bring it up, but then I realised you really don't remember it and I didn't see a reason to mention it when I thought you didn't feel anything for me. No need to make things awkward with my roomie."

"Fuck I'm sorry."

"It's fine." Isak said and a few minutes passed until he spoke up again. "If I knew we would get here I would have walked into moving traffic earlier."

"Isak, that's so messed up!" 

"Sorry." 

"No baby I am sorry." Even moved to press their foreheads together. "I am sorry you went through all that because of me."

"What are you talking about?" Isak frowned.

"You almost died because of me."

"Even, it wasn't your fault that I was stupid, it was all on me and if anything, you brought me back."

"W-what?"

"I heard everything you told me in the coma. Everything. I remember the accident now. And you sounded so heartbroken and lost that I knew I had to come back for you."

Even stared at him in disbelief and then tears were stuck to his eyelashes and threatening to fall again, but before they got the chance, Isak wiped them away softly.

"Wait you heard all that and you still seemed so unconvinced when I told you that I love you at the hospital."

"Maybe I wanted to hear you say it out loud again."

"And I thought I was the cheesy one." Even said as he started peppering Isak's face with kisses, who only giggled in response.

"Well you should know I am the master of cheesiness."

"You are."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.6k words of dialogue and softness. You are welcome.


End file.
